I am writing this particular article from a very personal point of view. It may be seen as biased or idealistic and not the “norm” for some but again, like all my other topics, everything is up for discussion so feel free to add your opinion.

Now what has made me bring up this topic is the fact that a lot of stereotypes about being a Muslim woman tend to be born out of pure ignorance, lack of understanding for the religion, cultural misunderstandings that have been added into the religion, media influenced lack of knowledge about the true lives of Muslim women and frankly, some people just purely do not want to get to know other people, races, cultures, religions or life styles.

Some people will freely admit that they prefer to stick to things that are familiar to them, are willing to stay boxed up in their perceptions of other people and do not want to try to understand how other people live their lives.
And fair play to them as long as that view does not impinge on the people who they would prefer to keep at a distance.

But as we all know, if you do not understand fully why a person may do things in a different way to you, that does not make them weird, oppressed, subjugated, forced or brainwashed into doing something that seems unusual to you or is against their wish.
Now when it comes specifically to the issue of Muslim women, the heated debates tend to focus on the hijaab/ niqaab, poligyny, womens rights, forced/ arranged marriages, freedom of speech and freedom of movement.
So, lets try to put one of these issues into prospective.
Hijaab or Niqaab? Why are Muslim women supposed to cover all of their body and Muslim men seem to be allowed to wear whatever they like?

And what is the difference between wearing the hijaab or niqaab?

To answer the first part of the question, physically speaking, men and women are different in body shapes, functions, strength, emotions and no one can escape from these facts. As opposite members of the human race, we compliment each other in unique ways. Dressing differently, is a part of that compliment and distinguishes on sex from the other.

Without going too much into the religious rullings on how men and women are to dress, lets just ask our selves this simple question:

Would you like your husband/ wife to be dressed exactly like you? Or lets say your a man and your wife also has a beard or moustache, as you walk down the road, no one can distinguish between you bar the clothes you have on. Does that sound plausible?

Specifically, what attracts one sex to the other if they are both the same, with the same attributes, strength, size, shape, gait, laughter etc?

Why is it that women look better dressed and covered compared to men who can afford to bare their chest as they are built differently.

Since women’s bodies  have sexual organs in the top and bottom half, it is logical that a woman would wish to cover both halves of her body whereas men, tend to only need to cover ther lower  halves of  their bodies as it protects their modesty. Men in Islam, have to cover from the navel to the knees as a bare minimum. Simple facts.

Moving on from those two areas, women in Islam are told in the Qur’an and the sunna to protect their beauty to stop them from being molested. Molested in the sense that a man is more likely to want to give in to his sexually charged physical urges upon being around women he finds attractive than what a woman is. This does not mean that men do not know how to control themselves. It is just part of the natural animal instinct that lies in all humans. Women tend to be easily jealous of each other too (which I actually find wierd. Why compare youself to others when genetically, they are different from you so you will never be like them?)
Also, there is more of the female form that is attractive to males than what is attractive of males to females so it is only logical that women should cover more of their bodies as a form of protection.
Some of the areas Muslim women have to cover, are obligatory upon them as part of being modest. This includes covering the hair, neck area, breast area and body shape, down to the feet. The areas mentioned, are all agreed upon as what a woman should cover if she wishes to leave her home for any reason.
When it comes to the wearing of the veil (niqaab), there are differences of opinion as to whether a woman should use it to cover her face or not but all the knowledgeable scholars agree that a woman who chooses to do so is rewarded for doing it. So it can be viewed as a noble act upon the woman to cover more of her self for the sake of her religion and modesty. So any woman who chooses to do so, should be encouraged, protected and not forced to take it off.

Now, when I became Muslim, covering my body became a big issue for me. Not that I dressed immorally in the first place but comparing myself to other ladies who covered using looser clothing, head scarves, socks and other attires, I felt the need to change my dress sense to meet what was required of me as an honorable Muslim woman.
I was advised by sisters to take my time, to study what was meant by “covering your body”, to take a gradual process in that change so that every change was made upon a firm decision rather than in haste.
And every step of the way, they were there to answer my questions and provide some of their own clothes to help me take the next steps. More importantly, they provided the moral support I needed.
So I began my research into how Muslim women were supposed to dress.
Now, what I found most amazing was that a woman could wear anything she wanted as long as it covered the hair, neck, body shape and went down to the feet. (Feet being covered with socks/ tights and shoes) Anything was acceptable as long as it was not see through or tight.
So the first step I took was to start wearing skirts over my tight jeans, longer and baggier tops to cover my upper body (like tunic style tops, t- shirts over tight tops or cardigans etc), covering my hair with pretty scarves the sisters gave me and observing how other sisters dressed.
I still wanted to be fashionable so I adapted everything to suit my fashion sense as well as meet what was expected of me as a Muslim woman. Make no mistake, this process took more than just a few months. (Hey clothes are not cheap you know!)
All the while, these sisters complimented, encouraged and aided my every move as best they could. Some donated clothes, accessories, fashion tips etc to help with the process.
Non chastised or put me down for being different or not dressing “traditionally”. It was made clear that different cultures dressed differently but as long as the areas that needed to be covered were covered, there was no problem with what I chose to wear.

My first Eid celebrations allowed me to meet women from different cultures and parts of the country and I saw how differently everyone dressed. This was also my first time meeting sisters who wore the face veil.
Now, I had many a question to ask these sisters as I wanted to explore whether I would choose to go that far in my dressing and once again, without being offended, they answered honestly and openly why they had chosen to wear it.
It was a case of “do the research then decide for myself scenario” so I started looking for books and articles about the pros and “cons” of the veil.
I also asked brothers that worked at different mosques, book shops and friends what the rulings about the veil were and what opinion did they have regarding it.
Now most of the brothers were a bit supprised that I chose to openly question them about their own views on it, but with a bit of explanation, they too were happy to answer my questions. (Mind you, there are etiquettes in how a Muslim man and woman who are not related interact with each other so understand that I asked direct questions and got direct answers back. And through the proper channels!) But it all still came down to I had to do the research, decide for myself if I wanted to wear it, and be sure if I chose to go down that route.
So for about a year, I studied all I could on the subject, listened to lectures and experimented at home with a veil.
I prayed on the subject too and became stronger in my resolve to wear one.
By this time, I had moved to an area where I found that many women wore it and moved freely about their daily lives without much hassle or restriction. I was totally excited and amazed at how dignified a lot of these women looked to me. Their mannerisms were not timid, restricted or awkward. They were not the “walking zombies”, “women draped in black sheets” or “bin liners” that some people opposed to the niqaab/ burqah made them out to be. Rather, they were independent, charismatic, knowledgeable, dignified women of every form and background. And to throw their argument out of the water, not all of them were dressed totally in black if at all. HA!
I’m talking from doctors, authors, business women to students, mothers and teenagers still finding their feet in this world.

The day I chose to start wearing it outside of my home was a nerve wracking one. I had a daughter who had never seen me wear one. I was more worried about her reaction than anyone else’s. I mean, she would be the one who would have to get used to knowing who I was in a big crowd without seeing my face. Being so young, I wondered if it would be a shock or distressing situation for her. We did not come from a Muslim background so it was up to me to teach her all that I knew.
So I sat her down and showed her my veil. I explained that I was going to be wearing it every time we left the house. She asked lots of questions of course and I answered as honestly as possible.
To make our first time experience easy on both of us, we went grocery shopping down the road. I felt like everyone was staring at me because I recognized them but it was not until they saw my kiddo that they knew it was me!
After a few days of this, I realized that a lot of my thoughts were influencing how I thought other people saw me. As I became used to wearing my veil, I became less aware of how I looked to others, my nervous feelings died down, my kiddo did not see the change as strange and going about my daily life went back to the non entity it had been before.

There was one occasion when I did forget to put it on when I left the house. Ha ha ha! I felt the wind on my face (it was pretty cold) realized my mistake and went running back into the house! My kiddo laughed, I was paranoid at who had seen my mistake but it did not faze us too much. Back on it went, and out we went to get on the bus for a day out.
Wearing the veil, was a truly enlightening experience for me.
The first big change I noticed was the fact that a lot of men did not know how to approach or speak to me. They seemed not to know exactly where to look (directly into my eyes or away from my face), whether to speak casually or in a formal manner, whether to help or refrain from helping (especially if they saw me struggling with shopping for example), many different things.
The second thing that became very obvious was how some people (strangers) openly expressed their disgust at my attire, did not want to communicate on a civil level with me, did not want to be in close proximity to me especially on public transports and thought it was ok to hurl abuse of every kind towards me regardless of whether I was with my child or not.
I had to learn very quickly, that not only did I have to educate my kiddo to understand that every person was different, that what some people were saying was not right nor was it alright to have to tolerate abuse of that nature, I also had to learn to walk away from situations that in other circumstances, I would have reacted in a negative and aggressive manner towards, to speak more clearly and slightly louder to compensate for people not being able to see my mouth moving (we all lip read without realizing) and to make my self more “approachable” by smiling with my eyes more and over exaggerating some of my mannerisms just to compensate for people not being able to see my face. All of this did not matter too much as long as I continued to feel comfortable with me. The me that I, my family, friends and associates knew.
After a few weeks of wearing it, I was so used to it that the thought of not wearing it became more of an issue for me. I found that I liked the fact that no one knew who I was facially. No one could prejudge me by how much or little make up I had on, how many spots were on my face, whether I had bags under my eyes etc. All they had to go on was my voice, the words I used, how I carried myself and nothing more.
And to be truthful, no one has ever come to me and been directly negative. Any person who has been negative, has always done it from afar (see article titled “Weak idiots”) but never in close proximity. Those who knew me before I chose Islam have maintained our friendships, I have not lost family members because of it (although this is not the case for so many girls. Also, although my family do not agree with every choice I have made, they have not rejected me because of them) nor has my change of life style been detrimental to my kiddo or me.
In fact most of the people who have seen my change would agree that it has made me into a better person. Not only am I calmer, more patient, tolerant and just darn nice (ha ha ha), but I’ve had to learn what it means to be a woman. I mean it with the best intentions when I say this but I used to be a right idiot. I allowed things to happen purely because “everyone else was doing it” rather than being a person who truly had her own mind and opinions. So with my transition from hijaabi (Muslim woman who wears covers what is obligatory) to a niqaabi (Muslim woman who covers her face with a veil), I must say, life has become peachier by the day.

Now with all the issues surrounding Muslim women living in Western continents adopting a style of dress seen a “backwards”, my one request is for people to actually spend some time in my or ony Muslim woman’s company and genuinly ask her what life is like for her.

As Muslim women, we have certain restrictions upon us (based on Qur’anic and hadith texts) but are our lives honestly that miserable?

And if we are living in self imposed prisons, why, when we live in countries that have laws to help us escape from these so called prisons, do we choose to stay within them?

What benefits do we find in our self inflicted shackles that make us comfortable to be in them?

And why are more women, brought up in cultures that promotes freedom and equality, choosing to embrace a culture that some see as man made to satisfy men with archaic egos?

Questions must continue to be asked for the promotion of learning and development.